Crafting Critic Gifts

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd unlearn macrame."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Kritik's Korner

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"She's a natural!"

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

'Green Peace'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

"I could do that."

Town Planning Department

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

"Bob's a tool belt."

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"First the open floor plan, now this."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"