Craftsmanship Critic Gifts

"The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Polluted geese

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

Arts and crafts

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

Whittler's Mother.

The Sculptor

Posh Easter Egg

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'Green Peace'

"I hear you've got friends in high places...?"

Luthier

Pelican and Origami

Town Planning Department

Little boy blows a larger bubble than glass blower can.

Nick Offerman

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

Raw Piano Bar

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Christmas Craftwork

"Bob's a tool belt."

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."