Crafting Critic T-Shirts

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd unlearn macrame."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

"She's a natural!"

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"I could do that."

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

'Green Peace'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

Town Planning Department

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"Bob's a tool belt."

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"First the open floor plan, now this."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'