Creative Critic T-Shirts

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"This doesn't leave much room for creativity."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'There is nothing wrong with your eyes. They all really looked like that.'

I would love to have the time to knock off some museum quality art like that.

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Is that all you can do? Self portraits?'

"I call it 'You kids turn down that so-called music. I can't even hear myself scream.'"

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Cariactures

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'Now class,' says teacher, looking at a bowl of fruit. Behind her, her class is staring at a portrait of a naked woman.

A needlepoint message to free Martha Stewart.

We'd like you to write us a catchy jingle...

'It's good but unlike your earlier work, I think this new style is more vulnerable to a potential downturn in the art world.'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

"I particularly like the juxtaposition you have created between the utilitarian form of the house and the nature that surrounds it. You could enhance this through a bolder use of primary colours."

Encouraging, Very!

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

"I could do that."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Why Doesn't Rent Want to be Free?

You're my Mona Lisa.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The height of fashion in 1796

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."