Pharmaceutical Pun Enthusiast Pillows

"It doesn't actually cure anything, but the side effects are VERY popular."

"There aren't any serious side effects. I take it myself."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Sea of Tranquillity

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"The biopsy came back benign.....but I still want you to see a tree surgeon."

"It's what the people want. You run wild for a couple of hours and then - zap - you're back to normal."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

Plastic Surgery

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'