Pharmaceutical Pun Appreciator Pillows

"Two options. This drug won't cure you, but the side effects are terrific. This other drug will cure you, but the side effects are worse than the original disease."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"I have no thumbs."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

Museum of Mediocre Art.

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Sea of Tranquillity

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

We need to up your dosage or lower mine.

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'

Standup Pharmacist

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

You say the plumage has lasted longer than four hours?

"Okay, we're through with the animal testing phase."

"Offishial business, ma'am."

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

'Sorry, sir, but that's what your prescription seems to say.'

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

Push In And Turn

'Is excruciating pain an 'untoward reaction'?'

"I feel so calm and relaxed when we're together."

'...and this one's a freebie from the pharmaceutical company that keeps you addicted to your other medications.'

"If this drug doesn't relax your nerves, try chanting its incredibly soothing brand name."

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

The pharmacy sign.

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'

Prozac- Now In Holiday Strength

Let's play the new game Unexpected Drug Side Effects. ooh, fun! I'll go first. They just discovered my pain medication can cause heart attacks. New studies show my cough syrup makes your brain explode. Please, people. That's child's play. Check this out! They sell a product that promises to give your pet fresh breath and a luxurious coat. We have a winner!