Pharmaceutical Pun Appreciator Pillows

"Two options. This drug won't cure you, but the side effects are terrific. This other drug will cure you, but the side effects are worse than the original disease."

"I have no thumbs."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

Museum of Mediocre Art.

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Sea of Tranquillity

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

'Sermon - if he wanted us to eat genetically-modified food, h would have modified them himself.'

Standup Pharmacist

"Offishial business, ma'am."

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

"Okay, we're through with the animal testing phase."

'Sorry, sir, but that's what your prescription seems to say.'

'...and this one's a freebie from the pharmaceutical company that keeps you addicted to your other medications.'

Push In And Turn

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

"I feel so calm and relaxed when we're together."

'Is excruciating pain an 'untoward reaction'?'

"If this drug doesn't relax your nerves, try chanting its incredibly soothing brand name."

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

The pharmacy sign.

Prozac- Now In Holiday Strength

'Okay, so that one's not right for me either... Is Zythoranex right for me?'