Pharma Pun Lover Pillows

"The night-before pill for me, the morning-after one for her."

'So Doc, if you write me a scrip for Relaxofy, is it okay if I'm still taking Stimulux, Enerjax and Krankmeup?'

"This drug isn't habit forming, but I'm hooked on prescribing it, due to owning stock in the drug company."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

'Do you have any catsup?'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Backfire

"That's it. We’re toast."

Cut Price

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.