Pharmacology Pun Lover Pillows

"Okay, we're through with the animal testing phase."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Is there a God? God knows...'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

Plastic Surgery

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

'You can see the Doctor now. Don't ask him anything too medical.'

"...and that concludes your first lecture on anatomy."

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

Standup Pharmacist

"Two options. This drug won't cure you, but the side effects are terrific. This other drug will cure you, but the side effects are worse than the original disease."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"What do you mean I'm not your type?"

Blue blood

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'How's my son? He swallowed 50p?'

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."