Prescription Pun Lover Pillows

'We need to stop collecting both our prescriptions on the same day.'

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."

"I can't tell if the doctor wrote 'Furanotrin' or 'Forunonil' or 'Fernobil', so I'm giving you a little of each."

"Here it reads that the medication the doctor prescribed to you might have some side effects..."

"Yeah, three loops with a line through them. What drug is that?"

"It doesn't come with any cap at all. You're to take one every two minutes."

Push In And Turn

"You're in luck. I just changed religions and am no longer opposed to filling this one."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Cut Price

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Do you have any catsup?'

Backfire

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

"That's it. We’re toast."