Prescription Pun Fan Pillows

'The side effects are headaches, sweating,nervousness, and a depressed bank account.'

'Take one of these three times a day and come back in 43 years!'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Laughing Zone Ahead

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

Cupid misses his shot.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"You need a mint."

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

'Maybe you should try flowers?'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

To keep cool in the summer, Victor installed a whole-house flan.

Rip Van Winkle told by pharmacist that his sleeping pill prescription has expired.

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

"I'm going to prescribe medical marijuana and sour cream & onion tortilla chips."

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

Unsound

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

Sir Isaac Newton discovers even more gravity.

'I'm NOT sweating -- those are OCEANS!'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'You have a lovely neck, Miss Jones. I'm going to prescribe some anticoagulant fot it.'

'I don't think much of the punchline.'