Pharmaceutical Professional Gifts

"Me? I'm just one of those shadowy figures who inhabit the mysterious twilight world where the medical and legal professions meet."

"I'm pleased to announce we've developed a new drug that's remarkably effective in generating profits."

'This heartburn is killing me.'

"Johnson's phoned in well."

"We're figuring out how to bottle yoga and overcharge for it."

"We're working on a vaccine to make portfolios immune to economic downturns."

'If you want our best medicine, please step to the next aisle.'

'I propose a totally ethical policy: only test new drugs on Estate Agents.'

'Well, now that you've found a cure, all our funding will be sent to another division.'

'Pharma stocks rose on news life in Iraq is so bad, everyone is hooked on anti-depressants.'

Cuba's Abdala Vaccine is 92% effective

Drugs Firms Axe Jobs.

'Why, these taste like brewer's yeast!'

'The report isn't all bad. They say our cough medicine is good for colds, and our cold tablet is good for coughs.'

Cost of research and vaccines

Human Resources: Chemical Value of the Body - $4.17

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"You only have three weeks to produce the vaccine!|

Covid Variants

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

'We've simplified the warning label to 'May result in lawyers'.'

'The cow that jumped over the moon, was she on some kind of growth hormones?'

'Nothing is what it seems down here. Most people are nudist speleologists, but I lobby for the pharmaceutical industry.'

Bulk Delivery: Placebos.

I'm afraid I can't write you a prescription for medicinal seaweed.

Pharmco Marketing Dept. We can expand sales of our new appetite suppressant by targeting people trying to starve a cold!

"Stop saving lives! We need a cure for hairy backs!"

"You're onto something very big. Don't let the company get its hands on it."

"I'm mainly motivated by greed."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."