Pharmaceutical Philosopher Gifts

"It's a major breakthrough. But we're still years away from being able to justify the outrageous cost per pill."

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'I'm bored. Want to see whose medications have more side effects?'

'It's not us, Louis. It's our medications that don't interact well together.'

'The pound of cure is available as a generic but the ounce of prevention is by prescription only.'

'Why on earth do they put arthritis pills in bottles we can't possibly open?'

Doctor to patient saying she's hooked on painkillers: 'I can give you a pill for that.'

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid, nobody knew.'

'Is the placebo drug available as a generic?'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'The drugs I'm prescribing have nothing to do with your condition, but the overlapping side effects might help you.'

"We still don't understand how this happened. You were with the placebo control group."

Prescriptions and Side-effects consultant.

'How about a few of the pretty pink and yellow ones today, dear.'

'Sorry you're just not Mr Right. I'm prescription and you're a non-prescription drug.'

The developers of this drug can't explain it, but its only side effect is that it causes your hard drive to crash.

Why is everybody smiling?

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

'I must tell you that the drug that cured you has been proven completely ineffective.'

Prozac, Lexapro and Lithium.

"Take some of these pills, then take the others. Take these again, then the others. You'll still be a mini depressive, but a manic depressive with control."

"The side effects feature some stunning special effects."

'It's for panic attacks. Side effects may include vertigo, tunnel vision and ringing in the ears.'

"Don't panic. I'm looking up the side effects."

"Judy and Chuck were both gelcaps, so their marriage dissolved faster."

'Do you carry over-the-counter placebos?'

'Warning. Reading all this information about the medicine may cause drowsiness.'

"Actually, the effects and side effects are pretty much the same."

"Me, not self-sufficient? Who was it who self-published a self-help on self-medicating?"

Now I understand why fatigue and muscle cramps are listed as possible side effects.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Side effects may include litigation."

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Yes, everything—I need a list of all the medications you're on."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."