Prescription Philosopher Gifts

The secret of marriage is chemistry - he's on valium and I'm on prozac

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"I'm out of purple pills. Can I take 1 blue and 1 red instead?"

"I can see you're concerned about the amount of medication you're taking. Let me see if I can give you something for that."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

The Three Kinds of People

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"I don't believe in egrets."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."