Pharmacologist Gifts

"These medicines all taste pretty good - let's approve them."

"No Shakespeare, yet. But, they are churning out ten drug names a week."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'in the computer model the only side effect was a dry mouth.'

'Just for kicks, let's come up with something that has a good side effect.'

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

'I told you at the start - this drug is still in the experimental stage.'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'I know I've been hard on you at times, pushed you when you were tired, studied you, probed you, but it was all in the interest of science.'

"We still don't understand how this happened. You were with the placebo control group."

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"Looks like the clinical trials are still inconclusive."

Animal Testing Labs.

'3.45 pm: ignoring its squeals of protest, I have injected the lab rat with the growth hormone drug.'

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

"To continue with my recorded observations . . ."

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

'Eureka! -- I've developed a cheap, reliable, male contraceptive!'

'That's Saint Throbbold. Patron saint of migraine.'

A drug manufacturer announced their scientists have discovered the profit gene.

The armchair pharmacologist speaks...

Volunteered for one medical experiment too many.

'They're not testing drugs on us - they're testing us. We're transgenic.'

"Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!"

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

Front row, L. to R.: Organic, pharmacology, polymer, inorganic agrochemical. Back row: Analytical, radiochemical, environmental, biochem, industrial.'

"...and you call yourself a computational immunotox-pharmacological an-diffracctiion bimolecular therapeutic ononclonal-antibody genomic metabolic-endocrinologist."

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

'They're not testing drugs on us - they're testing us. We're transgenic.'

'I thoguht they only tested drugs on guinea pigs.'

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

'I'm testing whether the little blue pill. Will speed up the reproduction process of these organisms.'