Pharmaceutical Researcher Gifts

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

Pharmaceutical Co - Naming Division.

'The test results are in for our new drug. 9 out of 10 doctors recommended the placebo.'

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

'I'm still evaluating the new truth serum, you micro-managing, pig-eyed, snot-nosed, burnt-out, impatient, obnoxious, penny-pinching, glory-hogging tyrant.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"It's a very rare disease - it doesn't have a cure. It doesn't even have a spokesperson."

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"I've come up with something that will stop shareholders worrying about dividends."

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'Pharmaceutical update: 'They got me producing antibiotics for cattle.' - 'That figures - I'm producing them for sheep.'

'The antidepressant failed preliminary testing. I still hate working here.'

Planes drop vaccines over a city

R and D for a Pharmaceutical company

'We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious.'

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"

'This is wonderful. It will help millions of people.'

Would she want to know about the anti-smoking drug that he had developed? He pondered.

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

"The reason Zylofan costs so much is because they first made Pirolax, kbut it didn't work, so then they made Kivotor, and that didn't work, so they then tried Davicor..."

'It looks like you don't have anything to worry about. But rest assured, pharmaceutical research is doing everything it can to put an end to that.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"This is wonderful. It will help millions of people."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

Congratulations on Receiving Your Vaccine Doctor

'Ah, Dr. Mecklenburg, noted research scientist, we meet again.'

'It's a remarkable drug, all right. But with all the contraindications, precautions, and side effects, we can't give it to anyone.'

'Finally some good news about out new vitamin pill!'

'This container lists only one hundred of the most common side effects. More can be found on the manufacturer's website.'

Big drug companies make profit in hard times.

Patents vs mutants

Pharm Drugs Inc: 'The placbo group is selected entirely on income - poor people can't afford designer drugs anyway.'

'We look for a new drug, we vind a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug.'

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."