Pharmaceutical Research Gifts

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

Medicinal plants

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

The end is near

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Alexander Fleming

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'Hey - It says here, we're related!'

"The penicillin looks good."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"When we tested this medication on dogs, nobody noticed any side effects."

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

'Just for kicks, let's come up with something that has a good side effect.'

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

"At this point, we know it's addictive."