Pharmaceutical Gifts

'Pharmaceutical stocks gave the market a real shot in the arm today...'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Covid Variants

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

Medicinal plants

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

Laxatives - "I'm after some comic relief."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'Side effects may include....'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Doctors

Alexander Fleming

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

'How do you think he stays so merry through the holidays?!'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."