Pharmaceutical Industry Gifts

'This drug is in the experimental stage - the pharmaceutical company is testing the top price to charge for it!'

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

"Our growth in the last year was phenomenal. But then, we are in the steroid business."

"I'm comfortable reducing your medications, but the drug company has some serious concerns."

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

Research and Development/Marketing

"And we'll find out your test results right after a word from our sponsors."

"I'll write your a prescription for a medication that's been recommended in three out of four commercials."

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'

'I've discovered a way to increase profits on our pills. More cotton wool in the bottles.'

'Now, this placebo is recommened by four out of five doctors.'

"If not satisfied, write to us at 'Generic Drugs, Anywhere, USA."

Class Action Lawsuits and Opioid Makers

To the highest bidder

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

Covid Variants

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Laxatives - "I'm after some comic relief."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'Side effects may include....'

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'