Pharmacology Gifts

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'in the computer model the only side effect was a dry mouth.'

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

'Just for kicks, let's come up with something that has a good side effect.'

'This is only a placebo, but trust me, it works!'

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

'This is a real miracle drug. It costs the same this year as it did last year.'

'Every time he lectures about serotonin, he puts me to sleep.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

World Peace Through Sedatives - Sponsored by Big Pharma.

"About this medical marijuana study. . . I'm totally stoked about the results."

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

Medicinal plants

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Eureka! I discovered a drug to cure drug side effects!'

'You're taking six prescription drugs but you aren't having any side-effects? I have no choice but to change your medications.'

'It's just in from the rainforest, so there may still be some roots and stems in it.'

'It cures it in chickens, it causes it in mice.'

'This stuff is a snap for me. I used to be a pharmacist.'

'Your individual results may vary.'

'3.45 pm: ignoring its squeals of protest, I have injected the lab rat with the growth hormone drug.'

'On the other hand, Mr. Gersten, we did warn you of the drug's unusual side effects during a full moon.'

'The pressure is too great. We want to be transferred out of panacea research.'

'How's the new insomnia pill going?'

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"Glad you like the beer. I put a little Prozac in it."

"Well, the drug's no good, but the side effects are bitchin'."

"Excuse me, do you have any makemepoopicin or stopmyfartsicillin?"

'Gee! I think we have the new sex-pill!'

"We're out of the 500 mg size."

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'