Pharmaceutical Pioneer Gifts

'Stocks rose on the news that 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated with pharmaceuticals.'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Queen of Quinoa

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"OK team, we need innovative solutions and we need 'em fast!"

Alexander Fleming

AstraZeneca Vaccine vs Sputnik V

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

Funny, this is the same pill the head of the price-gouging drug company needs to take so he can sleep at night, too. Pharmac …

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

"All those in favor of adding another 5 billion organisms to our probiotic just for the fun of it..."

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"I don't know. He just said he had discovered something and we had to come over and see it."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'It's better than we expected. Now the sheep produce wool in the winter and cotton in the summer.'

"R&D really created a miracle drug this time...at least it's been miraculous for our bottom line!"

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

'...may the best pharmaceuticals win.'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

Prozac, Lexapro and Lithium.