Petting Pro Gifts

'You wouldn't be very good at petting Dachshunds.'

The St. Bernard mastiff. A happy dog - rather!

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Dog Walking Services

Pet a Puppy

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

Why Poodles Become Killers

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

Dog Basket - I consent to petting.

Dogs can dream too.

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

"I think my parents are pretty old. They remember a time before 'clumping' cat litter."

"Relax, Dad... I'll put your toothbrush away when I'm done. I always do."

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

My Bowl Is Empty.

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

Landing That Tough Account

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

"What's worse, that or this?"

They couldn't put their paw on it, but something about today seemed different...

"No, I did not sniff you!"

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"