Petting Pro Pillows

'You wouldn't be very good at petting Dachshunds.'

The St. Bernard mastiff. A happy dog - rather!

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Dog Walking Services

Pet a Puppy

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

Dog Basket - I consent to petting.

Why Poodles Become Killers

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dogs can dream too.

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

"I think my parents are pretty old. They remember a time before 'clumping' cat litter."

"Relax, Dad... I'll put your toothbrush away when I'm done. I always do."

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

My Bowl Is Empty.

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Landing That Tough Account

"No, I did not sniff you!"

They couldn't put their paw on it, but something about today seemed different...

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

"What's worse, that or this?"

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"