Pet-friendly Professional Gifts

Landing That Tough Account

"What's our policy on pets?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Dog Walking Services

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

Why Poodles Become Killers

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

But it's the other leg that hurts.

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dogs can dream too.

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

"It's nice to be wanted."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I think my parents are pretty old. They remember a time before 'clumping' cat litter."

"Have you got one that's a bit more pessimistic?"

So You Finally Caught Your Tail

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"He never sniffs my butt anymore."

'Forget about building trust. Just give the dog a bath.'

My Bowl Is Empty.