Pets Vs Books Humorist Gifts

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

Hats and Food

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Scuba cow"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Cats at private view

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

Dogs life

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.