Pet Rivalry Humorist Gifts

Newspaper headline is CUTE PUPPY RESCUED. Cat says: 'Sigh! It's all bad news in the papers, isn't it?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Dogs life

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Cats at private view

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'They sure have small litters.'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Conversation between Dogs.

Clown walks balloon dog

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"