Petrol Punsters Gifts

"I sold my car $1500 last week! It's actually worth only $750! The guy understood! I'd just filled it up with gas!"

Cake Free Zone

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"We're standing in forever chemicals."

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"Hey, have you ever asked yourself why you need to cross the street before hurling yourself into traffic?"

'I wouldn't consider you an environmentalist when your hybrid runs on half crude oil and half coal.'

"Jack Russell?"

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

Fart. Le Poot.

Driver to tire salesman: 'I drive on a lot of rough roads. How much to pave the tires?'

Fisherman.

Cows buying from 'Pants R us'

'Maybe complimentary refills wasn't such a good idea.'

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

"I blame his old careers teacher myself, it was him who suggested he did a bank job."

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

'It was the M25, Junction 14; your father crossed over to the other side. In more ways than one.'

"You gotta be kidding me... A Triceratops? Last week it was a Stegosaurus and a Pterodactyl the week before but never a Tyrannosaurus."

'To be perfectly honest, I don't understand the International Date Line myself.'

Central Reservations Available.

Breakfast Ideas. I fixed the cable box during this cooking show. I unscrambled the eggs!

'Later on we'll tell them it's oil.'