Petrol Punsters Pillows

"I sold my car $1500 last week! It's actually worth only $750! The guy understood! I'd just filled it up with gas!"

Cake Free Zone

"We're standing in forever chemicals."

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Hey, have you ever asked yourself why you need to cross the street before hurling yourself into traffic?"

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'I wouldn't consider you an environmentalist when your hybrid runs on half crude oil and half coal.'

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

"Jack Russell?"

Fart. Le Poot.

Fisherman.

Driver to tire salesman: 'I drive on a lot of rough roads. How much to pave the tires?'

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

'Maybe complimentary refills wasn't such a good idea.'

Cows buying from 'Pants R us'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

"I blame his old careers teacher myself, it was him who suggested he did a bank job."

'Later on we'll tell them it's oil.'

"You gotta be kidding me... A Triceratops? Last week it was a Stegosaurus and a Pterodactyl the week before but never a Tyrannosaurus."

'To be perfectly honest, I don't understand the International Date Line myself.'

'It was the M25, Junction 14; your father crossed over to the other side. In more ways than one.'

Central Reservations Available.

'Well, I guess it's not worth waiting for the bus any longer...'