Pipeline Punster Pillows

'Later on we'll tell them it's oil.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

We're putting on a subtraction.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"We're standing in forever chemicals."

Kamikaze Colour