Plumbing Punster Pillows

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"If this doesn't clear it, then you can call the plumber!"

F&E Fixtures. Any slogan ideas for our all-purpose pipe? "The Can-Do-It Conduit"!

Hoping to compete with ABC's smash hit 'Desperate Housewives', Fox launches 'Desperate Plumbers'.

Vicar with three taps: hot, cold and holy.

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

The Romance Between the Tap and the Cup.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Sweep the board.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"