Traffic Punsters Gifts

Don't wok.

Cake Free Zone

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"Is there a problem officer?"

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Hamlet.

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

"Hey, have you ever asked yourself why you need to cross the street before hurling yourself into traffic?"

'I wouldn't consider you an environmentalist when your hybrid runs on half crude oil and half coal.'

"Jack Russell?"

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

Lawyer Xing

Driver to tire salesman: 'I drive on a lot of rough roads. How much to pave the tires?'

'Maybe complimentary refills wasn't such a good idea.'

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

Clamping

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

'It was the M25, Junction 14; your father crossed over to the other side. In more ways than one.'

Central Reservations Available.

'Now, that's funny! You were right! This traffic sign REALLY means 'One Way Road'!'

"I sold my car $1500 last week! It's actually worth only $750! The guy understood! I'd just filled it up with gas!"

"Emergency stop! I'll tick that."

'Beat the congestion charge, get your replica Ken Livingstone plates here'

Behind the 8 Ball

"I think that last cone was more than a warning."

'Dang. If I'd known there was a car under there, I'd have used the HOV lane.'

Don't Push: Electrical Shock.

'Well, I guess it's not worth waiting for the bus any longer...'