Pet-owning Friends Gifts

'It's strange, it's like he's keeping track of something.'

Bitchbark Canoe

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Raised by Dogs

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"Don't even think about it."

Christmas Pets

'Out, damned Spot.'

PET THEORIES

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

"You're completely screwed up."

Chasebook

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

"Humans are strange."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

Pet Entertainers

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Feline Evolution.

Separation

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"Cat park"

But it's the other leg that hurts.