Pet Owner Friends Gifts

Barking in a second language.

Cocky cat.

'In the future you will address me as 'Your Royal Highness'.'

"Heyy....Didn't I see you cowering in a corner cuz a kitty cat was in your bed?!"

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

'I finally got him papyrus trained.'

'Pssst. Go play in your new fun house or you'll hurt daddy's feelings.'

Goldfish funeral

Bitchbark Canoe

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Skeleton playing fetch.

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Home Sweet Home

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Collies Without Borders

"Don't even think about it."

PET THEORIES

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

Pet Entertainers

"You're completely screwed up."

Feline Evolution.

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'