Friend Of Pet Owner Gifts

"Joey!"

Bitchbark Canoe

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Don't even think about it."

PET THEORIES

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

Pet Entertainers

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"What's all this?"

Cat king.

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

"I'm no expert but I think global worming would be a good thing."

"I yip, therefore I am."

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

"He wants a second opinion."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.