Dog Owner Friend Gifts

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

'He chews things.'

'Sorry. We just assumed that since you were picking up his waste, he was the intelligent life form.'

Telepekingesis.

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

Pavement Art.

'Ben shot my gun twice. You're looking at the first time, and the last time.'

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

'I distinctly said hand me that anchor!'

Toilet water

'He's at a very destructive age.'

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

'I don't care what you say...I heard him snicker!'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

One man and his dog odour spray.

"You know as well as I do that we don't go for a walk until after lunch,"

"He out does himself because he thinks that we're playing a game."

"Spot isn't home. I'll leave him my calling card to let him know that we came by to see him."

"He ran out of pee."

"Nothing personal. It's just business."

"My dog won't come out on a night like this."

Dog marking its territory on man's leg.

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Max! Max! That's not one of ours!'

'If he licks your hand you must be doing well - he like the taste of money.'

'Quick, stop him!'

'He marks his territory with such thoroughness.'

Apparently Barking Rovers have won the cup.

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.

Dog Restroom

'Don't worry his breath is worse than his bite!'

'Sometimes he'll come and sometimes he won't. He can tell the difference between a social call and a dinner call.'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"I wonder if she knows my collar's around my a**..."

"All right, all right – I think I’ve sufficiently indulged the precepts of this ‘walk.’"