Pet Lover With A Dark Humor Gifts

Evil clown.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

Roget's Pet

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"He ran out of pee."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

Al's Teachers' Pets.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

'It's her signature dish.'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

Bad Dog

The grim reaper (of humans) and the angel of death (for dogs) are foreshadowing the imminent death of a man and his doh.

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.