Pet Lover With A Dark Humor Gifts

Evil clown.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Roget's Pet

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"He ran out of pee."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

Al's Teachers' Pets.

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'It's her signature dish.'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

Bad Dog

The grim reaper (of humans) and the angel of death (for dogs) are foreshadowing the imminent death of a man and his doh.

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

Crufts "If you can read this you are too close"