Pet Lover With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

"I've enjoyed being a pet, but it's time for me to get a real job."

101 uses of a dead cat: stool

'The ball of wool channel? Who the hell signed us up for that?'

101 uses of a dead cat: bird table

A new acquaintance will keep you in stitches!

"When you run with the big dogs, talk softly and carry a big pooper-scooper."

"When will that woman get the message?? It's over!! I've left her!!"

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Dog Dressed to Eat

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

"Wow, what a DILF."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

Doggy conductor

"He ran out of pee."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Anatomy of a cat"

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''

A skinny dog with clown make up

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

"I have to tell you you were not my first choice for this job."