Pest Comedian Gifts

'It's not your hosta plant the snails come back for �' it's the fairground thrills you keep giving them'

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Brighton Bersagliere.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'I think its being tapped.'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"Your honor, my client is a very respectable blood-sucking pest."

"This stuff worked pretty well on me."

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Can I barrow your pen?"

"I can't wait to see the look on their faces."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"The human is back - act normal."

"Okay, okay - next time I'll spring the trap and you grab the cheese."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"Did you just tweet?"

"Sometimes I get a craving for sushi."