Pest Controller Humorist Gifts

Flies Don't Deserve Wings

'They're so obvious about it.'

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Mouse living in a wedding cake.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"Down there, by the coffee room...you've got a bad case of summer intern infestation."

"This stuff worked pretty well on me."

"Your honor, my client is a very respectable blood-sucking pest."

'Could we fleas get fleas of our own?'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

Pest controller tries to catch old woman who is exacerbating the problem by feeding birds.

'Yeah, I used to live with thousands of my friends in the kitchen of a restaurant, but for some reason, it was closed down...'

'Hello? Animal control?'

"We have a termite problem."

'How much would you charge to kill my husband'

'We get the occasional spider but no ants'.

Cheese robot-squad.

'Thanks, 'two fish heads and a saucer of milk' is the best estimate so far.'

Pubic transport

"You call yourself a pest removal expert? Well, my son is still living in my basement."

Pest control.

"I see balloons, food and drinks. Not only are there ants in our keyboard, they seem to be having a party."

Clancy: Thick Flies

'Get over it, Brady. Pitchers at this level are expected to get batters out. Randy there gave up eight runs in one inning...'

'Stinkin' little gopher! I'll flood him out!!'