Personal Growth Cynic Gifts

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

Others will fight for you

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Reach for the Star.

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Try thinking about something else."

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"You left your demons here last week."

Screen Time vs Book Time

That party went well.

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

Not thinking BIG enough: Nickel & Dime Bank.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'