Economy Cynic Gifts

'It looks like another victim of the economy!'

Be flamboyant-today living within your means is mucking-up the economy.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Stock market investment advice

Why markets crash.

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

"Stocks rose today on news that even higher taxes won't stop the rich from getting richer."

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

"The candidates this year are really honest."

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

Who is stupid enough to buy this crap?

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

"So leaving it with a broker didn't do any good at all?"

Yo Man

'Good job on screwing up the economy. Now make global warming worse.'

"Oh you know, insider trading and fudging the number before lunch and then some fraud in the afternoon. How was your day?"

'What we need is another scandal that ends in 'gate'...to take people's minds off the unequal distribution of wealth issue.'

"Harrharrharr! I love cheap girls who are willing to show me their juicy tax loopholes!!"

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

Got Customers?

Today's Topic: "Money talks." In my case, very sarcastically.

'I don't revere this guy because he founded the company. He's the one who tried to talk me out of getting into this business in the first place.'

Corporate recycle: plastic/paper/empty promises.

'He's an inspiration to us all -- he evaded the draft, taxes, AND questions.'