Cynical Economist Gifts

'Life was nasty, brutish and short. That's how we got where we are today.'

Fighting corruption

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Stock market investment advice

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"Stocks rose today on news that even higher taxes won't stop the rich from getting richer."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Targets

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Dirty Tricks Dept.

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Will Self deprecation