Leadership Cynic Gifts

'My best leadership skill is my innate sense of how much crap people can take.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'The company's in great shape financially. Hey, a bent but still usable staple!'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"Congratulations! You've made the short-list for who we're blaming."

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

About 40% of the nation's coronavirus deaths could have been prevented...

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired,retired,or reincarnated.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'