Perk Analyst Gifts

Company benefit: lemon-flavored water

Charity Shop Income on Rise

'These are job perks.'

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

"Have you tried biting him?"

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Perks

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

The Human Condition

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

Our dental plan consists of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

'...plus, an annual molting leave!'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'Never forget that the best things in life are freebies.'

'The company had a good quarter, so we've decided to give you that company vehicle you've been wanting.'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

CEO Incentives

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.

'I know I just started working here, but is there any way I could get a company car, a membership to a country club and use of the corporate jet? This would greatly enhance my performance in the mail room.'

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

May I have your frequent flier points and corporate parking space, sir?

"Have you ever considered putting all your icky thoughts in a little box and keeping them there?"

'Why, there isn't even a company folder for 'Perks'!'

"The americans have been sniffing around again looking to poach some rainmakers...."

What about the company car you promised?

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

"...and, as well as your salary, you will be eligible for company transport - a pair of our latest running shoes."

"Now you've told everyone how importatn you are, would you like an upgrade to first class and a complimentary foot massage?"