Perk Analyst T-Shirts

Company benefit: lemon-flavored water

Charity Shop Income on Rise

'These are job perks.'

"Have you tried biting him?"

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Perks

The Human Condition

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

I'm trying to figure out what drives you... A new company car would be nice.

Our dental plan consists of a toothbrush and toothpaste.

'...plus, an annual molting leave!'

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'Never forget that the best things in life are freebies.'

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

CEO Incentives

'The company had a good quarter, so we've decided to give you that company vehicle you've been wanting.'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.

'I know I just started working here, but is there any way I could get a company car, a membership to a country club and use of the corporate jet? This would greatly enhance my performance in the mail room.'

May I have your frequent flier points and corporate parking space, sir?

'Why, there isn't even a company folder for 'Perks'!'

What about the company car you promised?

"The americans have been sniffing around again looking to poach some rainmakers...."

"Have you ever considered putting all your icky thoughts in a little box and keeping them there?"

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

"...and, as well as your salary, you will be eligible for company transport - a pair of our latest running shoes."

"Yes, you will get a company car. It'll have a big, blue flashing light on the roof!"