Pentagon Staff Gifts

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'Eisenhower had an affair - but it was during the years of 'don't ask, don't tell.''

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Multi-tasking.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

TSA Noah

The World's Easiest Airport

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

The Scanner Of Love.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

Employee of the Month Parking

Busy office.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

The role of administration.

Disinformation booth.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Sales.

'Brains...brains...brains...'