Pentagon Employee Gifts

'Teddy, someone from the Pentagon wants to talk to you about drones in Pakistan, whatever that means.'

Rocket Launch Control Centre Back in 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Servicemen.

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Marry me astronaut

Blue Origin

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

"Siri, find oxygen."

Parking meter on the moon.

Space shuttle helping to unlock the secrets of the universe.

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'So, what do you want to talk about?'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'The good news is, I did find the jumper cables!'

"It's Houston. They have a problem."

"Let's see, this one is cherry flavored, I think this one is blueberry ..."

Birds on the wing

"I am wearying of the crew's constant repetition of the same old sea shanties."

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

While doing routine recon over the pacific ocean, lietenants Cromwell and Olsen make a startling discovery.

'It was only a joke. I never thought they's accept me.'

Well, our space probe is picking up definite signs of life, but I don't think it's friendly'

'We're drifting apart.'

'So it's true that dolphins help navigate.'

Well, those election results certainly surprised me. Me too, little buddy. But that's because when I went to sleep last night, I had a dream … that Robert F. Kennedy had lived, he appointed Carl Sagan as science advisor and head of NASA, Sagan took us to Mars in 1991, and Donald Trump spent the rest of his days founding casinos and selling real estate degrees on the red planet. Meanwhile, in the 2016 election, Martin Luther King Jr. narrowly defeated Sonny Bono. I just meant I'd forgotten we wer

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!