Defense Worker Gifts

Ministry of defence lift with an 'Out of Orders' sign

Low-Energy Drinks

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

How the US Succeeded in Afghanistan

"It's tragic to seek how quickly the enthusiasm of youth drains away..."

Busy day at the office.

US fears missile competition.

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

'I suppose it was a blessing. Toward the end he was finding it very difficult to remain competitive.'

Cyberwarfare

Tank. Building this vehicle will create jobs and stimulate growth! He's given new meaning to the phrase "The economy's in the tank"!

F&E Submarine Contractors. When we ask the government for assistance, we should avoid calling it a "bailout."

Robo Sapiens

"Tell Congress we need a super duper hypersonic missile."

How To Cut The Defense Budget

The House Always Wins

'Iraq had no WMD's? Iran has no nukes? Surely there must be some terror-producing country to keep Americans frightened, and in support of big defense spending!'

"Today U.S. Defense Industry stocks rose on news Dick Cheney endorsed Donald Trump."

'What do I do for a living?? Isn't it obvious?'

'I had a terrible day. . . but the money was good.'

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

Bomb Back Better

The Unknown Military Contractor

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'Teddy, someone from the Pentagon wants to talk to you about drones in Pakistan, whatever that means.'

"It's not like we sold the Saudis the swords for the executions...we didn't, did we?"

'We had no idea you were coming' - ACME Stealth Missile

Soldier trying to catch bomb with a cushion

Job Stress.

"Daddy's going of to defeat terrorism in subtler, economic ways."

Shopping for weapons: As Minister of Defence, I like to find the best bang for the taxpayers' buck!