Pensioners Gifts

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."