Pensioners Gifts

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'