Pension Scheme Manager Pillows

"Inland Revenue, Sir. We have reason to believe you invented a death-proof pension arrangement."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

Someone loses his pension.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'So he eats the odd secretary now and then. He's our top actuary and I intend to make him a partner.'

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Rolling Over a Pension.

Mismanagement Consultant.

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

"At you age I had already started a Pension Pot."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

It's 10pm do you know where your 401-k is?'

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"