Pension Administrator Pillows

"I just found out the amount of my monthly pension. They should rename this office the INHUMAN relations department!"

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

social services cuts

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

Someone loses his pension.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

Federal Departument of Edutainment.

'It's the slump - looks like he's about to evolve it into a double-dip!'

Federal Agency to Eliminate Agencies

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Rolling Over a Pension.

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Mismanagement Consultant.

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'